Bloom

Memoir by Kelle Hampton

Ok, Un-Book Club friends, pour yourselves a big glass of wine (or cup of coffee if you are reading this at work and they frown on that sort of thing). Because this book and my response to it is INTENSE. I mean, for one thing, she's writing about giving birth (kind of a big deal) to her second daughter Nella who unexpectedly has Down Syndrome (whoah) but also striving to live big her "wild and precious life" (a quote from her favorite poet). Come on. Intense.

This woman's story is amazing, partly because of who she is, and partly because of the way she tells it. In the opening pages, she talks about preparing to give birth by doing normal things like packing and calling friends, oh and by preparing individually wrapped home made FAVORS for the people who would visit them in the hospital. FAVORS. She is totally go big or go home and remains that way through her whole story, including her journey from being devastated and afraid of the Down Syndrome to facing and accepting and loving and embracing and celebrating. She also lets you in on EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of that journey, holding back no emotions or vacillating inner debates or breakdowns or joys. She is just so honest about how hard it is at first, how much she loves her sweet Nella, and how even after she accepts and loves Nella for who she is, she feels guilty for her initial response. Needless to say, I cried a lot.

You know my story: I have two kids, and in between the two I had a rare condition called a molar pregnancy. Kelle's story definitely appeals to me as a survivor of parenting heartache, and I think that like her I have arrived at a certain peace. In fact,  her story helped me to realize that I am less fearful and have fewer anxieties than recently. But still, I don't believe I could read this book while pregnant because I just don't have that much peace yet. I also appreciate her fierce loyalty to the Net, as she calls her group of women that pull each other through heartaches and trials like this. The fact that my mom and sister were away in Europe when I lost my pregnancy served to draw me closer to my sister-in-law Lisa and sister-of-the-heart Kelsey, expanding my Net.

My only two complaints about this book are:

1) She makes me look like a lazy, unoriginal, uninspired mom, with her favors and birthday parties and matching t-shirts for the Buddy Walk. Honestly.
2) She uses too much metaphor.

But those things don't really matter. Let me leave you with a quote that has stuck with me.

"Once you become a parent...you automatically carry around, for the rest of your life, an increased likelihood of having your heart broken. And it's a constant fear that we struggle to put to rest. We can choose to be afraid or we can choose to live. And I choose to live. Because an increased likelihood of having your heart broken also carries with it an increased likelihood of finding yourself the happiest you've ever been in life. And I was learning that when the 'what if' voices came, I could tell them to shut the hell up." (p. 249).