Book Mash Up

All Joy and No Fun
Nonfiction by Jennifer Senior

Remember that book I said I was probably going to quit? Well, I didn't. As infrequently as I read non-fiction, I find that the ones I have read recently are better than I expected. Maybe I'm getting smarter. Or older. Either way, this book turned out to be super interesting, so much so that I keep bringing it up in conversation (ok, maybe that's partly because I want credit for reading smart people books).

The premise of this book is that while innumerable studies have been done on the effects of parenting on children, none have ever been conducted on the effect of parenting on parents. Senior set out to conduct her own interviews and research about that idea, as well as including tons of other relevant studies and a great deal of history of parenting and childhood experience.

At first I was put off by what seemed to be just a retelling of my own experiences: I don't need a book to tell me that parenting is hard! Senior's interviews seemed to be the same as reading facebook or mommy blogs: crumbs on the couch, middle of the night wake ups, struggling marriages. When she got to the research and history, though, I got interested. By citing certain studies, Senior suggests that the intense and exhausting thing that is parenting today is a product of our recent history of protecting children rather than viewing them as partners in work. It is taken to the extreme, certainly, in the helicopter-Pinterest style of parenting that is popular on social media, but it is necessary based on our changing view of children's roles in the world.

I felt personally relieved to learn that there is a reason why we modern parents are the way we are. The fact that I even think as much as I do about HOW and WHY I parent a certain why (and Senior would also add my use of "parent" as a verb) indicates that I am truly a modern parent, super involved and possibly too reflective. But at least I am not alone! So I guess I did need that re-telling of parenting experiences after all...

Orphan Train

Historical fiction by Christina Baker Kline

Following right on the heels of a book about parents...is a book about two girls who grow up without the benefit of parents. This novel throws into stark relief the differences between historical and modern parenting and childhood.  Two girls in this book become orphans, Vivian in the late 1920's as a recent Irish immigrant, and Molly in contemporary times after the death of her father and breakdown and incarceration of her mother. Neither girl's family was safe and healthy for her before, but their situations after are equally hard or harder. The two meet with Molly is in foster care and needs to do a community service project and Vivian is a ninety year old woman who needs her attic cleaned out. As you can imagine, their relationship develops and Vivian shares her history with Molly eventually.

Vivian's experiences on and after the orphan train and Molly's experiences in foster care have many mirrored events. While this makes the characters seem similar and share connections, it showed to me, just after reading All Joy and No Fun, just why we protect children so very much today. The orphan trains were run from New York to the mid-west under the assumption that families would need these children to work for them. While the adoptive families were expected to put the orphans in school, blind eyes were turned as long as the orphans were not returned to the welfare society. It was also a short step from expecting a child to work for room and board, to over-working and under-feeding and clothing for the child. Vivian's story, while fictional, is evidence of that.

I did find all the characters in this book a little two-dimensional. The orphans are too perfect and innocent, even the one on probation; the foster families are too evil or angelic in turn. They didn't need to be characterized as so completely one-sided to convince me who to sympathize with. Or to make me grateful that I am raising my children in the decades that I am. As much as I may have to worry about, at least it's not child labor or orphanages.

For the young, or young at heart

There's a lazy Susan full of medicines on my kitchen counter, a mountain of laundry in my closet, and a stack of finished books on my nightstand. Yep, I've been sick. For four days, to be exact. With bronchitis. So during all the doctor-prescribed naps and while my kids are watching movies and even while taking my breathing treatments, I've been reading. Sounds ALMOST like a vacation (except I can't breathe, so not so much).

I've been reading along a theme, actually--young adult books. My students just finished performing book talks, which were AWESOME. I loved hearing the kids get excited about their books and seeing their classmates go check out books they'd heard about. I did the same and came up with three to read right away.

Paper Towns
by John Green

This is by far the most adult-y of this list. I would not recommend it for most middle school kids. In fact, it's about high school seniors in Florida who are weeks from graduation. The main character is a boy with a crush on his neighbor, who used to be his best friend but then she got too popular for him. One night senior year she shows up at his window (they're neighbors) and takes him on a wild night of pranking her friends. The next day she disappears. And he spends the rest of the book looking for her. It's a bit of a coming of age story, with some smart literary allusions and a lot of crude boy humor. I didn't love it like I did The Fault in Our Stars, probably because it's just more boyish. I do think John Green does a great job appealing to teenagers and where their hearts are.

The Maze Runner
by James Dashner

This book makes me sad. It's PERFECT for middle school boys --action packed, full of that dystopian stuff that's so popular, even has some swearing but since it's a different civilization they make up the swear words. It's perfect. Except it's not. I skim-read most of it because it was full of little cracks that my attention span would trip over. I don't think most middle school boys would notice, and the ones in my class sure don't seem to, but the writing just isn't good. The descriptions of what could be amazing scenes are kind of blurry. The figurative language is off kilter, leaving me less clear on what something looks like. And the characters truly all seemed the same. That fact bothered me the most and I couldn't put my finger on it until the one girl in the story gets introduced A LONG way in, and she seemed just the same as all the boys. Needless to say, I won't be reading the rest of the series. But your nephew/son/grandson/postal carrier's kid might like it!


Wildwood

by Colin Meloy

This one is just too sweet. In a good way! Maybe another reader won't have the same delicious reaction to this book, but it was recommended by a really sweet student and I kept picturing her as the main character. Prue, a thirteen year old girl from Portland, goes on a wild adventure in a mystical wood after her baby brother is kidnapped by crows. The land Prue discovers reminds me of Narnia in many ways, and the girl she is reminds me of myself, my daughter, my mother, all my favorite girls ever. I love Prue. The book is full of allegory for current social, political, and environmental issues, which may make it over the head of the average middle schooler, or may make it the perfect book for all ages. I will definitely read the rest of the series and may have to buy they all for myself. Love.

My current book could not be further from this list. All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenting by Jennifer Senior is a research based non fiction treatise on how parenting is different today and in many ways harder and yet more wonderful than it ever has been. It reads like every mommy blog but without the humor. I find myself agreeing with every paragraph and then looking up to see my one year old crawling out the dog door. I'm not sure I need a book to tell me about modern parenting.

A Monster Game of Catch Up

Hello again! I have missed our conversations, even though they're mostly one sided. It's okay, I know this blog is mostly me talking to myself, but in a socially appropriate way. I knew I was also missing the writing part of the blog when I started carefully crafting my facebook posts, considering my word choice and leads. Yikes.

Without you all to talk to, I've had some fairly spectacular runaway trains of thought about the books I've read. I end up just milling over the stories and characters until they seem a bit more real to me than the actual children playing in front of me. So let me just empty my head a little here.

Eleanor and Park
Young Adult Fiction by Rainbow Rowell

OMG, this book is amazing. The teenagers featured in it might mock me for using the term "OMG," because they are both very snide and pretty sophisticated for teenagers. But they might also be confused, because they are from the 1980's, before anyone said "OMG." I loved both of these things: snide teenagers and the 1980's cultural references. If you like neither, don't worry, this book could still be for you, because the kids are also heartbreakingly tender and awkward and messed up, and because the story proves that kids are kids no matter when or where, which really appealed to me as a teacher. There's also the Romeo and Juliet element that shines clearly through, a timeless story that makes the band names and clothing choices irrelevant. Love wins and love hurts, in Verona and in the mid-west.

The Revised Fundamentals of Caregiving
Novel by Jonathan Evison

I quit this book. You know my trigger: violence against children. I can't say this had violence because I didn't finish, but for sure some kids were going to die, so I just up and quit. All I learned was that it was about a guy in a second career, as a home caregiver to a teenager with a disability, and the guy was not happy. I wasn't finding many redeeming qualities there.

My mom said she liked, so maybe you did or will, too, but my reading hours are too precious to spend them tense and nervous.







Boys in the Boat

Non-fiction by Daniel James Brown

LOOOOOOOOVVVVVVE this book. Is this one a movie yet? I am even more behind on movies than I am on books, so I'm not sure. I know Unbroken, which seems similar and is on my nightstand stack of to-reads, is a movie now. Anyway, non-fiction is definitely not usually high on my list but this read more like a memoir. The author must have practically lived with the families of the boys who rowed in the 1930's UW and Olympic crew, in order to get as much detail as he did. It was riveting in its action and descriptive in its characterization and informative in its non-fictionalness. (Yes, I know that's not a word, but it seemed fitting.) I wanted to call my friends who rowed in college and say, "I get it now!" I really felt like I was IN the boat at times. So maybe I don't need to see the movie. Books are almost always better anyway.

The Dovekeepers
Historical Fiction by Alice Hoffman

Have you read Alice Hoffman? She has an impressively long list of works at the beginning of this one, but none of them seemed familiar. Either I read her and she wasn't memorable until now, or I need to check out some of her other books. This was outstanding. It's historical fiction that comes to life, so like Brown (above), she must have absolutely lived and breathed this book for years. The story of the Jewish fortress Masada holding out against the early AD Romans is apparently well known, but it wasn't to me before now. The culture and history was fascinating to me, but even better was the way Hoffman wove together the lives of five different women before, during, and after the event. The women are the heroes, both as warriors and peace makers, as they hate and love each other and ultimately make the decision about whether their own lives or the lives of those they love are more important. It's harsh and violent and lush and arid and beautiful and all the adjectives.


Leaving Time
Novel by Jodi Picoult

I am an early Jodi Picoult fan, but after a while her stories all seemed the same to me. Take a controversial issue (organ donation, school shooting, autism, pick your headline) and look at the story from the point of view of five or so characters, with super well written voices and an intricate plot, and then bam, add a twist ending. Despite the twist, it got a little predictable. So I took a break, but coming back to her with "Leaving Time" was kind of nice. Same type of story and characters, but actually with a bit of a throw back in topic. Remember when it was all about elephants for a while? "Water for Elephants" and "Hannah's Dream" and so on. They were all the rage and then it died down, but Picoult seems to be bringing them back. Throw in a troubled adolescent seeking her missing mother, a PI, and a psychic and that's this book, plus the twist ending. The charm (other than its comfortable familiarity to me) is the elephants. As my three year old likes to point out, elephants are my favorite animal and the elephant characters in this book made me love them more. In fact, my only complaint is that some baby elephants die (not a plot spoiler) and it was super close to violence against children for me. I couldn't read it at night for a while without having nightmares. I'm a softie.

The Freedom Writer's Diary

Memoir-ish kind of book

Compiled by Erin Gruell

This has been on my to-read list for years. I haven't seen the movie, either. So in a dearth of much else to read, I picked it up and gave it a try. It was interesting for a while to think about my own students and classes as I read about the struggles that these students, who wrote most of the journal entries in the diary, had in their lives. It made me contemplate how I can better understand and connect with my kids. But it was also frustrating because the teacher featured in it gives time and resources to her students that I don't have. So after gleaning several insights, I stopped about half way through in favor of something that gives me more of a break after grading papers on a Saturday night.

What's next? I'm currently reading "Paper Towns" by John Green (of "The Fault in our Stars" fame) and I also have "All the Light We Cannot See" and "Unbroken" and something else I can't remember). Cheers!

A Jumpstart to your Shopping List

Ladies and gentlemen, Christmas is 66 days away. For some of you, that's 65 days to put off shopping, but I get the feeling that others may be making your lists now. Let me help you out!

Me Before You

Novel by Jojo Moyes

Did you read The Fault in Our Stars yet? If you're buying for a mature teenager, check that one out. This is the adult version. The premise is a little dreadful--a young British woman goes to work as a daytime helper for a wealthy quadriplegic. Her employer was once an important business man and world traveler, but now wants to die because his life is so limited. You know it could end so badly but you just fall in love with all the characters, as unlikely as that is, and end up crossing your toes under the blankets that it will turn out ok. Reading it is a bit like watching an old favorite tear jerker movie, like the scenes in "Sleepless in Seattle" when all the women are crying over "An Affair to Remember." A modern classic, really.

The right to die issue is getting some new press right now with the woman in Oregon who wants to end her life due to the pain of her brain tumor. This book brings another interesting perspective on it, and keeps you wondering who the "me" in the title really is. I also think of the arguments surrounding Robin Williams's death and those who called it him brave to face his depression versus those who called him selfish to kill himself. I wonder if any of us can really say what we would do, since we are not in the same circumstances, can never be in exactly the same circumstances as someone else. The two main characters in MBY have this argument again and again, with more information about each person spiraling out until you agree with them both, and love them to the core.

Where'd You Go, Bernadette
Novel by Maria Semple

For the snarky person on your Christmas list! The writer of this novel used to write for sitcoms like "Mad About You" and her sharp wit transfers super well to this type fiction. She totally skewers Seattle society--the uptight parents and private schools but supposedly casual culture, the Microsoft drive for success and the bureaucracy it creates, the focus on arts in a bit of an artistic vacuum. The stabs are delivered subtly because the story is told by an eighth grade girl via her mother's and others' emails and testimonies. It's not confusing at all, though. It's actually completely clever, just like the humor.

The main story is that the title character is a SAHM (stay at home mom, for those not up on their suburban lingo) who has a supposed break with reality, in conjunction with several minor crises, and disappears. She leaves behind her daughter (the 8th grader) and her husband (the Microsoft exec) and a falling apart mansion (the crumbling artistic endeavors) and angry PTA members (the uptight parents and private schools) struggling to both find her and understand who she really is. Part of the cleverness is that you, the reader, are also figuring out who Bernadette is, not in a Sherlocky way but in a "Is she crazy or isn't she" way. I loved the characterization and psychology as much as the humor and Seattle culture.

Side note: My three year old is super interested in what things say right now since he's learning that letters make sounds and words. He asked the title of the book I was reading and then walked around repeating "Where'd ya go, Bernadette" in a creepy monotone every time he laid eyes on the book. Fun times.

The Sweetness of Forgetting

Novel by Kristin Harmel

Today I told my students that I have written a novel. They were duly impressed. I told them about the nights I've spent writing, revising, and sending the dang thing to 80 some agents (none of whom were as impressed as my dear seventh graders). I told them this as a way of inspiring them to revise their own writing and to show them I'm in it with them. I told them this because they'd rather listen to me tell them something personal and real than read to them out of a text book about why revising is important.

But I didn't tell them the truth, that deep down I am terrified I will never get published and also that not so deep down I am extremely jealous of those who have.

So when I read a book like this one, with a sweet story and a few good twists, I have a hard time enjoying it. Because the whole time I'm thinking I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS. I'M AS GOOD A WRITER AS THIS KRISTIN PERSON. WHY DID SHE GET PUBLISHED AND NOT ME? WHEN'S IT MY TURN? WHY DID KRISTIN HARMEL WIN THE PUBLISHING LOTTERY? WHY GOD WHY?

It's not pretty, I know, and also not why you read this blog, so I'll just step past the green eyed monster here and try to share a little about this book. But now you know, if I sound just this side of nice, it's because part of me wants to kick Kristen Harmel in the shin, and then ask for the name of her agent.

The Sweetness of Forgetting starts with a sob story; Hope's husband left her, her teenage daughter hates her, her mother recently died, her grandma is getting lost in Alzheimers, and her family owned bakery is failing. So sad. When Hope's grandma Rose has a moment of clarity, she reveals a secret about her background that sends Hope on an ill-timed trip to Paris to discover family she didn't know she had. There's a lot of baking, World War II connections, and some interesting religious talking points. It ends happily and neatly. Sounds like my kind of story, huh? Yep. Exact for that bitter pill being hard to swallow.

Rant over.

September, the Black Hole of Reading

When you write a blog about the books you read, everyone assumes you want to talk about it. In public. In church.


Let me explain.

My dad is the associate pastor of our church and he opened one of his messages recently by asking people the title of the best book they'd read recently. And then looked straight at me and said, "You blog about books, Kelsey. What have you read?"

I blanked. Maybe it's because it was September and I was reading pre-tests on theme and narrative, along with books on how to communicate better with adolescents, and basically falling into bed at night instead of actually reading. Or maybe it was the on-the-spot thing. But the only thing I could think of was the last book I'd read, not the BEST book I'd read. And it happened to be a book on changes in modern theology called A New Kind of Christianity by Brian McClaren, RECOMMENDED BY MY DAD. I'm sure I sounded like a total suck up. And worse, I haven't even finished it. See the sentence about it being September. And all my previous statements about me and non-fiction.

So, yeah, don't ask me to cite my favorite books on the spot or before parent-teacher conferences. You might get an open-mouthed stare in return.

The upside is that I was publically shamed into reading again and just finished a GREAT book as a result. The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry is a sweet story made all the better because it was an accidental find in the book club section of the library (I can't say enough good things about that shelf! It's not stealing from the book clubs; it's random selections of the ones available to book clubs, so it's like a pre-sorted shelf of great choices). So maybe you all know about this book already, but it was a surprise gift to me.

Harold Fry is an ordinary retired Englishman with an unhappy wife who cleans too much. One day he receives a letter from a long lost friend, telling him goodbye as she is dying of cancer. He sets out to mail a response to her and decides suddenly to walk the hundreds of miles to visit her, believing she will live as long as he walks. Amazing premise. And it gets better, as the author uses Harold's ordinary heroism to celebrate the ordinary uniqueness of everyone he meets. Harold has ups and downs in his journey (similar to Cheryl Strayed in Wild and, strangely, to Forrest Gump's run across the country) that are quite expected and yet luminous at the same time. It's a book of contradictions and seamlessness. It's the kind of book I long to write.

I won't tell you if he finishes his walk, or if his friend lives, just as I won't tell you the outcome of his relationship with his son, or if he patches things up with his wife. I will tell you, though, that you'll want to walk across England yourself, or visit some of the historic spots he stumbles upon, or maybe just try to see the people you stumble upon with a bit of the grace that Harold does.

And how I wish I'd read this book earlier and could have shared it with my church that day, because in the humanity and the pain and the grace, there is love.

I'm going to keep the two non-fiction books on my nightstand and read them in bits, but I'm also ready and needing to go back to my beloved novels. And I have a stack! What should I enjoy first? I've got The Sweetness of Forgetting (thanks, Aunt Pat), Where'd You Go, Bernadette (who recommended this?), and Me Before You (thanks, Kelsey and Taunya).

Fail blog

In an unprecedented move, I have quit three books this month, almost right in a row. Fail. Total fail. I come from a long line of non-book quitters. That isn't to say we aren't sometimes quitters in general. I have quit sports, diets, New Year's Resolutions..pretty much things that require physical discipline. But books? Usually I see the bad ones through to the end, just in case they redeem themselves.

Not this time. I don't know if it's me or the books. Actually, it's probably my kids. Let's blame them for my divided attention and lack of grace. It's hard to spend precious alone-time reading a book I don't like, and hard to have patience with unrelatable characters when I practive patience with actual live small people all day long.

So here's the list: three fails and one goody. Judge for yourself whether they are worth your precious time.

The Antiquarian

Novel by Gustavo Faveron Patriau

I think this is some kind of intellectual murder mystery. The beginning was so much character development, though, that I lost interest. Also I think the author is from South America and in my experience those books usually have an intense emotional quality that I can't understand or appreciate, like The Alchemist. With the exception of Isabel Allende, I think I'm just not smart enough for these books. So I only got a couple of pages into this one and decided it was not for me.

The Financial Lives of Poets
Novel by Jess Walter

What a disappointment I am. This author is amazing. Beautiful Ruins? Absolutely loved it. One of the best books I read last year. We Live In Water  was great for a collection of short stories (which is just not my favorite genre). The thing about this book, though, is that it opened like one of his short stories. Too much reality. I read to escape worries about money and jobs and every day life in general. I imagine that this book gets better and that I'm majorly missing out by not reading it, and maybe I'll come back to it (not likely) but for now, pass.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

Novel by Khaled Hosseini

Don't freak out on me-- I didn't quit this one. Almost...but it grabbed me. I read Hosseini's The Kite Runner at the recommendation of my cousin who was stationed in Afghanistan and while both of these books are just so devastating, they are worth it. The complicated history of Afghanistan is made comprehensible to me for the first time, but it's far from just a history lesson. The harsh reality of the country is wrapped up in a lovely, heartbreaking, bold story of two women and their unlikely relationship. There is disgusting, horrifying hatred that is tempered and eventually destroyed by deep love. I was reading this as the news was coming out about the violence in Iraq and it made both events more real to me in my safe little home. The world is so horrible at times but those that help others in the worst of times are what make those events bearable. I would love to talk in more detail to someone who has read this book and compare reactions.

The Girls
Novel by Lori Lansens

Another quitter. Sorry, Grandma, but I just can't stomach the weirdness of the conjoined twins. It's such an interesting premise and I think at another time I may have enjoyed the book. But readers know that I have a lot of anxiety about my kids that comes and goes in waves and right now it's peaking a little. While conjoinment is clearly not something I need to worry about now that my kids are born, it still makes me anxious about all the things that can go wrong in their delicate little bodies. Plus, you just know that there can't be a happy ending to this story. So again, not right now.

And with that list of failures, I don't actually have anything to look forward to reading. I am currently reading a book by Brian McClaren about changes in the church (A New Kind of Christianity), and I have the other true story of Downton Abby book, plus I think I'm going to request Where'd You Go, Bernadette from the library because I've heard such good things about it. I'm interested in The Boys in the Boat for the same reason. But I'm also looking for some light hearted reads while school is starting up. My ego can't take too many more failures.